


goodnight my love

by slytherbitches



Category: Rise (TV 2018)
Genre: Cuddling, Internalised Homophobia, Underage Drinking, a ball of anxiety, jeremy is basically a babysitter, oh simon is also a walking disaster, simon is tipsy af, theyre cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-28 22:41:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15059369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherbitches/pseuds/slytherbitches
Summary: in which simon saunders is a little spoon





	goodnight my love

Simon Saunders was a man of habit. He always had been. His life was a routine. He woke up every day at six thirty sharp. He got up, got dressed, ate breakfast with his family then left for school. At school he had a timetable, a routine. His life was set and honestly he liked it, a lot. He was comfortable.

See he had a routine, until Jeremy Travers came into his life. Jeremy came into his life slowly, but hit him like a tonne of bricks. Feelings that had came out of nowhere were so strong they had changed every part of his life. He had never felt that way about anyone (boy or girl) ever. He wasn’t sure how to act. He wasn’t sure how to think. What to do. He wasn’t sure how to continue with his routine.

It wasn’t like he could walk up to him and say ‘hey I like you’ because he couldn’t. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t what he was feeling. It wasn’t what he should be feeling. He was simply confused, having to perform that scene made him think he was feeling things when he wasn’t.

But then he was. It had been at least a month since the show and the way he felt about Jeremy hadn’t gone anywhere. So he realised that he couldn’t hide his feelings from himself. He finally started to understand that God loved him unconditionally. No matter if other people didn’t. But that didn’t mean he was going to start running around with rainbow flags.

So he took things one day at a time. It took him a while to be okay with it himself, before he even thought about telling other people. He knew his family was pretty much off the table. Making his list of people very short.

He told Lilette first. It was a normal day, they were sitting in the car. “Lil, I’m gay.” He said it casually, even though it was the first time he said it aloud. “Oh, you know I love you no matter what! God too!” Simon laughed and nodded. “I’m getting there.”

After that announcement Simon realised that there was only one other person he needed to tell. “I’m sorry.” He found Jeremy in the green room alone. It had been weeks since he had spoken to him, but he knew he had to. The guilt of what he had done was eating him alive. “Uh what?” Simon couldn’t really meet his eye. Anxiety and the realisation of what he was going to do had finally set in.

“I’m sorry about lying.” He was wringing his hands at this point in time. “You’ve got to explain, I’m highly confused.” He made his way over to the couch he was sitting on. Their interaction a couple months ago in that very position flashed through his mind.

“I might be too late, but better late then ever you know?” Simon was sure he had never said that in his entire life but he was so nervous he didn’t even think anything of it. “I was a complete and utter asshole and I’m sorry. It’s just I feel something when I’m with you. And I lied when I said I didn’t. It just took me a while to accept it. I’m definitely too late so I’m just going to go.” He tried to leave but Jeremy grabbed his arm. Pulling him back down.

“You have nothing to apologize for. I pushed you and I shouldn’t have. I pressured you and that was wrong of me. You were going through a tough time. I should have just tried to be your friend. You obviously needed one.” Simon smiled brightly at the boy.

“Need, very much still present tense.” He could see Jeremy trying to hide his smile. “Better late than never.” They two laughed and Simon wasn’t sure why he was feeling so scared.

_‘Homosexuality is a sin’_

The voice of his father, his minister, his mother, his friends rushed through his head. It was sharp and hit him right where it hurt. “I’m going to have to decline, I was hoping for a different offer.” Simon decided to ignore the voice. Because he knew that in his heart something that made him so happy couldn’t be wrong.

“Oh really?” Jeremy’s eyes narrowed playfully. It made Simon’s heart rush. He had gone over this situation a million times in his head. He just never thought he would actually be there. “I might take you up on that. Give me a minute to weigh the consequences.” Simon laughed at him and leaned in. Meeting him in the middle.

 

From that day onwards his routine was sent flying out the window.

Simon had asked Jeremy to keep the thing between them a secret. He completely understood. But it meant they had to sneak around. Meaning Simon had no idea when he would see him next. Or when he would get a text saying to go to some secluded area of the school.

Everyday was new. It kept him on his toes. It was new to Simon, but a good new. He would get rid of any sort of routine to keep Jeremy in his life. That’s how much he liked him. But that didn’t mean everything was rainbows and sunshine.

Simon had his days. They were hard on the both of them but Simon couldn’t ask for someone more supportive. One day after they had had a nice date Simon was faced with the prospect of going home. His head got thinking and he couldn’t stop his fathers voice popping into his head.

_They are going to hell’_

It was something he had said on multiple occasions and so casually. It hit Simon quickly and hard. The moment they got in the car Jeremy tried to hold his hand. But Simon pulled it away quickly and harshly. “Si? You okay?”

The moment Jeremy asked him the question he burst into tears. He was overwhelmed with guilt, sadness and insecurity. He wasn’t the only person being affected by his own issues. “Hey hey hey, it’s okay.”

He felt Jeremy’s hand on his back, which made the tears rush even more. “I kn- know it’s ha- hard for you a-“ He was hiccupping, trying to explain himself before Jeremy cut him off. “Hey hey hey, I know what I signed up for. This is new for you. It goes against what you have thought for your entire life. You aren’t going to change your mindset in a day.”

Simon turned to him with wide eyes. He wasn’t sure how he had ended up with someone so accepting and understanding. No more words were said as they drove to Simons house. The radio played softly between them. Simon’s hiccups also filling the air.

When they pulled into his street Simon was so close to breaking down once again. “I don’t think I can go home.” Jeremy sent him a smile for comfort. “I heard Robbie was having a party, we could go if you want.” He sighed in relief, parties weren’t really his scene but he needed something to distract his thoughts. So he wiped his tears and put on a smile. “Let’s go crash this party.” Jeremy rolled his eyes lightly. “We were kind of invited so I don’t think its technically crashing.” Simon put his finger to his mouth in a shush motion. “Let me live my dream.”

 

He took a deep breath when he walked through the door, Jeremy following behind him. “I’m going to go talk to Lil, I’ll catch you later?” Jeremy nodded and put a hand on his arm before he walked away fully. “Take care of yourself okay?” Simon nodded and would have kissed him in that moment if they weren’t surrounded by people. It made him feel so much better to know he really cared about him.

“Simon!” He could tell Lilette was pretty tipsy as she threw his arms around him excitedly. Robbie put his hand on her waist to steady her when she let go of him. “What has she been drinking?” he turned to Robbie and whispered, who in turned laughed loudly. “Like one shot, you know how much of a lightweight she is.”

“Pft, lightweight who?” Simon shook his head at Lilette. “Lightweight you.” Lilette stuck her tongue out childishly and reminded Simon why he loved his best friend so much. “Stop being a party pooper and come grab a drink!” Normally Simon would object profusely. But Lilette had already began to drag him into the kitchen. So he decided to go along with it.

He watch as Lilette poured some vodka and orange juice into a red cup. Looking around most of the faces looked familiar, people he had seen in the hallways at school. He could also see most of the troupe littered around. Gwen was sitting with Gordy on the couch, some other football guys with them. Harmony and Sasha were playing beer pong outside. He could see Francis talking to a bunch of girls, trying to flirt Simon could only assume.

In the corner he spotted Jeremy speaking to Michael and Annabelle. He and Annabelle had sorted out their issues but it didn’t mean that they were suddenly best friends. Honestly, he did find it funny how his ex-girlfriend was close with his new boyfriend.

He basically chugged the drink as Lilette went on a ramble about what she had done that day. He grabbed a beer and chugged that too. He didn’t really want to get drunk but he wasn’t sure how much longer he could tolerate being sober for. Tipsy was his desired state of mind.

So that was where he ended up, a few drinks later. Simon was a happy and touchy drunk. All he wanted was to give everyone hugs. Which was what he was doing when Jeremy came up to him. “Si what are you doing?” Simon turned to him and flung his arms around him.

“Jeremy!” He leaned close to whisper in his ear. “I really really really like you.” He giggled as Jeremy whispered back. “I would hope so, cause the feeling is mutual.” Simon rested his head on his shoulder like it was the most normal thing in the world. Because in that moment it was. He could think of any reasons why he shouldn’t.

He watched as people started to congregate on the couch, starting to play some sort of party game. “Wanna bounce?” Simon nodded his head and without saying goodbye ran out the door and to Jeremy’s car. His heart started to beat really fast. “I can’t go home, not like this.”

“Hey hey hey, you can stay at mine.” Simon immediately started to feel better once Jeremy offered. He nodded vigorously like an excited puppy or small child. Making Jeremy laugh loudly. In turn making Simon smile.

The drive to Jeremy’s wasn’t long, but Simon made every second memorable. He drunkenly sung along to showtunes obnoxiously. It made Jeremy laugh, and all of the embarrassment was worth it. In that moment (one he would probably forget in the morning) he realised he would do anything to make Jeremy laugh.

They arrived at his house in one piece, but the biggest struggle was just beginning. Jeremy had to basically drag his stumbling ass into the house. Quietly up the stairs as to not wake anyone in the house. All while trying to keep him quiet. Jeremy felt as if he finally knew what parenting was like.

“Shut up!” He said it playfully but harsh enough that Simon was finally persuaded to be quiet. But then he started acting like he was in a comedy film and Jeremy was once again annoyed as could be. But Simon knew he was loving every second.

They arrived in Jeremy’s room. But even though he had been there before Simon analysed the room like he hadn’t. He took in every feature, every decoration and every mark. Well as much as he could intoxicated.

“Do you want me to sleep on the floor or?” Simon shook his head and flopped down onto the bed. “Nooooo, let me be the little spoon.” Jeremy sighed lightly. “You going to change? Or nah?” Simon had started to pull the covers off and climb into the bed. He shook his head once again.

“Suit yourself, at least take off your shoes though.” Simon flung his shoes off his feet. They landed on the floor with a loud thud. “Simon! Please be quiet!” He said it in a hushed whisper, but Simon still felt as if he yelled. He kept curled up until Jeremy got into bed with him.

“Light on or off.” There was an awkward space between them. “Off.” The bed was big, but not huge. So the two where awkwardly trying not to touch each other, but also trying to not fall out of bed. “Get over here.”

Jeremy awkwardly shuffled over and draped an arm over his waist and drew him close. The moment the weight of his arm Simon felt extremely sober. Simon could suddenly feel everything heightened once again. Without the dullness of the alcohol. He could feel his warmth and he had never felt more at home. He felt comfortable, warm and happy.

But then he felt deliriously happy and he realised he was still very much tipsy. It made him sad to realise that in the morning he probably wouldn’t remember it. So he decided to live in the moment. He adjusted himself to be as close to him as possible. He snuggled in, wriggling around. Jeremys arm tightened around him and Simon couldn’t remember a time he had felt happier. But that could also be a side affect of the alcohol.

“You make me happy.” His delivery of the words may have dulled the message for Jeremy, but to Simon there was nothing more truthful. Jeremy moved his head so it was lying in the nape of Simon’s neck. “I know it’s not right, but I can imagine us married, with a little us running around. Living in a big house in the suburbs. Also a golden retriever. Named Bo or something dumb like that. But no matter how dumb it is I’ll love it because they’re ours.”

His words were slightly slurred and spoken like a train of thought. But he could tell they touched Jeremy none the less. “I always imagined us living in a studio apartment in NYC. Performing on Broadway and scraping by. But we wouldn’t have it any other way because we are together and doing what we love.”

That life flashed before his eyes. The two of them cooking breakfast together. Walking the New York streets together. Bringing each other roses after shows. Doing the washing together. Having movie nights. Cuddling how they were right in the moment.

“I don’t understand how that’s wrong, because that’s all I want in life.” He felt Jeremy kiss his cheek. In that moment Simon wanted to spend his life with Jeremy. And then he realised it wasn’t a new feeling, or one that would go away easily.

“I know you probably won’t remember this in the morning, but I want you to know I want to spend my life with you. But now is time to sleep, I’ll see you in the morning.” Simon squeezed Jeremys hand and whispered back. “Goodnight.”

 

Simon woke up the next morning with a dull headache. His eyes blurry. Sun shining brightly on his face. He woke up disorientated, for a solid moment he did not know where he was. He threw the sheets off and jumped out of the bed as quickly as he could.

It was only in that moment he realised there was an arm draped over his body. Let alone another human next to him. The body shuffled and Simon suddenly realised he was in Jeremy’s room. He felt relieved that it wasn’t a stranger’s room. But one he knew.  

_‘God is looking down upon you’_

The relieved feeling left as quickly as it came. He was left with anxiety and disappointment. He wanted to be happy with his boyfriend without feeling guilty or some sort of shame. But then questions started flying through his head. Where did his Dad think he was? Did he know? What happened the night before? What did they do? What dumb shit did they say?

He started to breathe quickly. Officially freaking out. But then he looked at Jeremy’s face which had been turned towards Simon as he was shuffling to fill the warmth that had left his bed. He looked so pure, unfazed and honestly angelic. His breathing almost immediately returned to normal and he stared at his boyfriend’s face.

The stillness made him feel calm, relaxed and at home. He lightly sat back down onto the bed. He stared at him for a moment longer. He lightly put his hand over the top of Jeremys. And in that moment, everything was okay. Bad thoughts where erased from his head. Any anxieties where washed away. Any fears about the future where removed.

Because as he stared as his boyfriend. He not only saw him but the light at the end of the tunnel. And for at least that moment, he was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> this is all over the place and took me many days to write, but i liked how this simon was more in character than my other portrayals of him 
> 
> i made mood boards for characters so go check them out - https://www.pinterest.com.au/slytherbitches/


End file.
